Intimate Partner Violence a Mutual Dance

Update 2018 10 14: Appended addendum and links to related articles

Intimate Partner Violence a Mutual Dance

2009 02 10

‘She’d put cigarettes out on me’

By Jim Reed
Newsbeat reporter

Men in England and Wales aged between 20 and 24 are just as likely to be abused by their partners as women in the same age group. Campaigners claim not enough is being done by the police, social services and the government to tackle the problem. Read one victim’s story….

Addendum 2018 10 11

I was the youngest of seven – three brothers, three sisters.  No one in our family was cruel.  Our mom and my sisters perhaps gave me the wrong idea of what women, in general, are like, but not all women are cruel or abusive.

We had lived in a neighbourhood in which many families had a lot of kids.  I learned at a young age already that girls and women, mothers, wives, daughters and sisters could be cruel and abusive.  Many of them were.

The consequences of female wrath often, even generally, were out of proportion with respect to the perceived (real or not) offences of transgressors (real or not) who were at the receiving end of women’s wrath.  It mattered little whether the perceived transgressor was elderly and feeble (a father or grandfather) or younger and in full possession of his capabilities and faculties (a brother, son or husband).

My closest buddy (people thought we were twins, and we later went to school together) experienced having his considerably older sister, who got angry at him, throw a pot of boiling water at him.  He still has a scarred foot from that, 79 years later.

Every family in the neighbourhood had one or two grandparents living with them.  My impression was that a good third of them, especially the men, were being abused by their daughters, daughter-in-laws, and or wives.  Perhaps that was a contributing factor why almost invariably the older men died before their wives did.  I was too young then to think much about why men died as a rule before their wives.

The motivation for women’s violence was always a mystery to me and appears to be a mystery even for those who made attempts to formally study it.  Still, I came fairly early in my life to the conclusion that the motivation for women’s violence is a mysterious force of nature, as difficult to fathom as the motivation of hens for pecking other hens.

Hens don’t peck just any other hen, but when one of them targets another hen,  many of the other hens in the coup join in to peck the same victim.  When you raise chickens, you get to know that, and you also know that the outcome of henpecking is quite likely fatal.  For that reason it is generally a good idea to take that henpecked hen and make soup from it.

In A Tale of Two Cities, Charles Dickens wrote about the violence of mobs, specifically about the role of women in it, but he was not all that open about that aspect of mob violence.  Friedrich von Schiller, too, wrote about the circumstances of the French Revolution and summarized the violent role that women played in it.  He, too, did not dwell on women’s violence (covered it in four short lines), let alone explain what motivates it:

Beware, when in the cities’ womb
The fire-tinder has accumulated,
The citizenry, breaking its chains,
Frightfully seizes arms to help itself!
Then tears at the ropes of the bell
The uprising, that she clamors howlingly ,
And, only meant to sound in times of peace,
The password gives to violence.

Freedom and Equality! one hears proclaimed,
The peaceful citizen is driven to arms,
The streets are filling, the halls,
The vigilante-bands are moving,
Then women change into hyenas
And make a plaything out of terror,
Though it twitches still, with panthers teeth,
They tear apart the enemy’s heart.
Nothing is holy any longer, loosened
Are all ties of righteousness,
The good gives room to bad,
And all vices freely rule.
Dangerous it is to wake the lion,
Ruinous is the tiger’s tooth,
But the most terrible of all the terrors,
That is the mensch [1] when crazed.
Woe to those, who lend to the eternally-blind
Enlightenment’s heavenly torch!
It does not shine for him, it only can ignite
And puts to ashes towns and lands.

—Friedrich von Schiller
in ‘Song of the Bell‘ (1799)

The motivation for women’s violence, the inhumane aspect of it, remains a mystery, largely unexplored, unexplained, lately even denied (which denial is a necessary expedience related to feminism’s assertion that women are the victims of oppression by the “patriarchy”, notwithstanding all evidence to the contrary).


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1 Response to Intimate Partner Violence a Mutual Dance

  1. Apprehension man


    Divorced father seeks equal protection
    Custody challenge cites discriminatory decisions

    Well I thought this week I would put forward a story on how the government neglects the fathers in Canada and automatically places all fathers in the same boat, A 38 year old father of three kids 1 girl and two boys who was a hard worker and wanted the best for his children, he starts to sense many things about his relationship but like most of us he excused, In early September of 2007 he was asked to leave his house with the kids because things were not working out and financially he could care better for the kids then she could.

    A month goes by and according to his wife things were busy in her life must be the two neighbors she was having an affair with, well the story changes when he is called in at work to his bosses office because the police are there with an intake worker an apprehension officer appointed by the Province to remove his kids because he is being accused of neglecting his kids, is this a joke no a real story about a hard working father who now has spent $40.000 dollars spent 41 days in jail just to see his kids and between the lawyers, Judges and the province he does not see his kids even though I myself and a Psychologist has indicated to a Judge that these children were neither neglected or abused by this man and after speaking to the children we were advised that the mother and her boyfriend made this whole story and the oldest boy had a video of the conversation and they heard it in court how this was about them using the kids to black mail this man for money if he wanted to see his kids.

    I’m ashamed to say I’m a Canadian this day I did my job but it was to help kids in trouble not remove them from a loving caring father, the laws now protect the mothers and feminist in this country along with these wonderful liberal thinking idiots think they are helping but not they are there to destroy families in this country and others God Help us.

    What is Children’s Justice very few children in divorced families are satisfied with the time they have with their fathers and in western Canada alone it is documented that 7 percent of the mothers value the father’s input regarding issues with their kids, well below the 45 percent who value input from teachers and doctors.

    The document reported another national study found that more than three-quarters of non-custodial fathers are not able to visit their children as ordered by court decisions.
    The issue of the treatment of fathers in custody disputes was the subject of a recent workshop help in Winnipeg, Manitoba were Social Workers like me were given these stats to help to be more tolerant of these fathers and their behaviors.

    The platform’s was to degrade bad fathers no just men in general we are all bad and want harm to our children ‘Fatherhood’ who has allowed government into our life’s so much so that they have made men evil and women right always we as men need our children and want to be in their lives but so many of you don’t realize this system is poisoned against you as a (Man) by your very democratic government and the feminist in Canada as I sit here and laugh. As I sat and listen I became more and more angry at how men were portrayed and puts all blame for father absence squarely on men and promises to ‘crack down’ on fathers who are behind on their child support. It also promises to ratchet up draconian domestic violence laws that often victimize innocent men and separate them from their children.

    It’s very doubtful that many dads wake up in the morning and say to themselves, ‘My child loves me and needs me; my wife/girlfriend loves me and needs me ,you are in some dreamland don’t trust wife girlfriend they will hurt you in the worst way they will take that thing you love the most your children. Research shows that the vast majority of divorces, as well as many break-ups of unmarried couples, is initiated by women, not by men, and that most of these do not involve serious male transgressions.

    Father in Canada are generally relegated to visitor status and often can only participate in their children’s lives if the mother allows it, what a tragedy we have in this world and the god above and watches and cries and must ask himself were did I go wrong, we as men must in god and remove our emotions from this system that is here to destroy families not help or save Marriages or Imprisoning men falsely what are we doing to our children can we not live in harmony with women you need to answer that on your own in my case I was married to Psychopath who cut me with a razor held a knife to my genitals and took my clothes away from me so I would not leave home and I call the police and the police tell me to let it go as I bleed If I were a women and was bleeding that bloody husband of mine would be in jail poor defenseless women I think not we have empowered them and now they abuse the system and the system abuses us.

    Courts tilt heavily towards mothers in awarding custody and enforce fathers’ visitation rights indifferently. In most Provinces, mothers are free to move their children hundreds or thousands of miles away from their fathers, often permanently destroying the fathers’ bonds with their children.”

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