Last updated 2018 10 11
Child child custody issues are first and foremost on the minds of people who contact us for help and advice, time and again. Here are some of the key issues.
Time and again I receive requests for help and advice on issues such as those outlined in the following. I replied on average about once or twice each day during the past two weeks to such requests.
I write the advice I provided on child child custody over and over, time and again. I wrote the articles on how to select a lawyer so as to prevent me from having to write such advice over and over. The worst thing is that no matter what I write, post or state, extremely few people take any of it to heart.
“Bill” and “Rose” (not their real names) will have 18 to about 25 years of misery and financial hardship ahead of themselves. They are being forced to dig a financial hole for themselves that they will most likely never be able to get out of — and even if they do, they and their kids will be set back for life.
In spite of that, it is not likely that they will do what is necessary. Very few people will look past today. The vast majority of those who read my advice will think it is too much work, give up, stick their heads in the sand and then get their butts shot off. The good thing about that is that, with their heads in the sand, they will never see it coming.
Excuse my pessimism, but I am 74-years old (81, now, as of 2017) and have seen too much of the same thing happening, over and over.
Do you think I am wrong about it all? Well, the website of Fathers for Life has been in existence for about 20 years (27 years as of 2017). How come that people like Bill and Rose never visited the website until they ran into trouble?
How come that information about child child custody is not being taught in the schools?
—Walter
Rose wrote:
Hi there..my friend Bill is newly seperated from his girlfriend…upon seperating she agreed to week on week off child custody. 1 1/2 weeks later as he returned to the apartment from the funeral of his best friend and cousin, he was presented with a lawyers letter stating she would allow him access to the child IF he didnt have him around certain people (who have no criminal record, who have years of experience in childcare, have strong educational backgrounds – one is a psw, the other has numerous diplomas and a degree which included study in psychology, etc as well as years of military service.) These said people were also the same people she depended upon, on many occasions to watch this child for her…while she worked, got groceries, etc etc and she never had a problem with them watching him until they noted suspecious behaviour on her part and told Bill. Both can come up with wonderful letters of recomendation, etc.
He refuses to sign this document, as she is STILL trying to controll him. During the relationship she was controlling and abusive…and neglectful to their son as well.
Since the breakup Bill has had billy for the first whole week (during which these above people watched him while bill was at work..and she even came over to interact with billy during that week while these people had him outside playing…if she was that concerned with the care, why did she leave him there?
She has no denied ALL access of Bill to billy for a little over 3 weeks.
Bill has very little in the way of money to spend on a lawyer..so I have been compiling the documents he needs and filling them out fo rhim as best I can. We heard of a mens group who will help you fight for child custody…and then I found this website…I am hoping you can help lead me in the right direction to find help for him, and have this father and son re-united.
In the conversation he had with her tonight..she is now claiming that william isn’t even Bill’s..and became very hostile when he suggested a paternity test be done…
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rose
My response:
From: Walter H. SchneiderTo: Rose
Sent: Tuesday, June 08, 2010 9:08 PM
Subject: Re: fighting for child custody
Hello Rose,
If you tell me where you are located, I may be able to direct you to an organization near you.
Regards,
Walter
Rose responded:
Sorry I Should have insluded that. We are located in Fredericton New Brunswick.
I responded:
Rose,
The “you” in the following refers to you and Bill.
There are two organizations in New Brunswick whom you should try to contact:
New Brunswick Children’s Equal Parenting Association
New Brunswick Shared Parenting Association
Ask both of them for advice. If either one of them has meetings of its membership, you should try to attend. You will learn more from individuals who are at various stages of their legal fights than you can from any lawyer.
The website of Fathers for Life and its associated blog contain a number of articles on how to select a lawyer. Read those articles (some of them are repetitions) and learn what you should do in selecting a lawyer.
I know, you stated that Bill has little money. It is up to you to determine whether Bill qualifies for Legal Aid. If so, let him apply (and keep in mind that if she applies before Bill does, Bill will not be given Legal Aid — Legal Aid will not present both sides in a case). If not, consider what the alternatives are. Bill will potentially be forced to hand over about $250,000 to $500,000 in child support over the years, until the boy is mature or until he has finished his education, whichever comes later.
Denial of access or visitation needs to be assessed with respect to the child custody and visitation order. Interference with that order is a criminal offence. However, the number of such offences that were prosecuted and punished in Canada can probably be counted on one hand. I only know about two of them that were. In both of those cases the fathers fighting for their rights went into bankruptcy. Interestingly, neither of those fathers made any headway in court until after they went bankrupt, could no longer afford to pay their lawyers and began to represent themselves. Great stuff, right? Legal victory predicated by financial self-immolation.
You will not gain any legal ground by trying to establish guilt. For one thing, guilt is not punishable, and neither will be anything else be she may have done you don’t like.
Concentrate on what you primarily wish to achieve. That is, regular and equitably-shared parenting, right? Therefore, concentrate on what is best for the child. Make an appearance that you are bending over backwards to please the mother, and that all else is in the best interest of the child. However, make sure that the custody and visitation order contains a statement that specifies that the police must assist Bill if the mother should interfere with the court order. Without that statement it is extremely unlikely that Bill will ever get the police to help him enforce his visitation rights, if that should become necessary.
You will need to file a statement of claim. Keep that as short as possible, about a page to a page-and-a-half. Use reference pointers to any supporting documentation. Attach copies of the documentation and use tabs for each document, with each tab to correspond to the reference identifying the document in the statement of claim.
Learn about the rules of the court. Visit the local law library. Find case law, that is: evidence of judgments in similar cases.
Keep tabs on what your lawyer does. He works for you. You must be quite clear on what you want him to do. Make sure he does the right thing at the right time and at the right place. Keep in mind that the lawyer will get paid whether you win or lose your case.
Try to keep your child custody case out of the family-court system. The family-court system is ostensibly in place to help individuals with family issues. The reality is somewhat different.
The family-court system was put into place for no other reason than to expedite the dissolution of marriages, when the liberation of the divorce laws and the establishment of the principle of “no-fault” divorce created an insurmountable backlog of divorce applications. (Read more: Freedom, Equality, and Society’s Treatment of Men and Families )
A secondary result that evolved over the close to 40-years time of the family-court system’s existence was that family courts evolved into a system for putting men and especially fathers into their place, which place, according to feminist doctrine, is for fathers to be without and not within families. That is being accomplished by having the rules of the court and the rules of evidence no longer apply in family court. (Read more: Family court to men – “Just shut up and pay”; Bias and injustice in our family court system the root cause of many murder- suicides; Note: you can find much more information on family-court issues by searching the website of Fathers for Life for “family court”. )
The best thing you can do to help Bill is to bring Bill’s case into regular court, were his chance to receive justice according to the law will be considerably better. However, the chances that Bill will gain anything are slim, about one in ten. Bill most likely will at best only obtain standard visitation (one weekend every two weeks, plus half of vacation and one out of every two holidays).
In general, the only thing that Bill can be sure about is that he will be sentenced to pay for having become a father, that and that he will be ordered to pay out hundreds of thousands of dollars over the years.
Here now is the most important aspect of Bill’s whole case.
It is of course possible that Bill is the natural father of the boy, but if I were in your position, I would make sure that the boy is Bill’s biological offspring. The chances are on average one against two that the boy is not Bill’s child.
If Bill’s paternity has been established on the basis of DNA paternity testing, then it is reasonable for Bill to fight for regular access to the boy or perhaps even for fully shared custody. Without proof of paternity, Bill should refuse to pay child support, and he should not bother to attempt to obtain visitation rights. (See also: Pregnant on the Sly; Table of Contents – Paternity Fraud) Mind you, once there is a court order that sentences Bill to pay child support, then there is not much he can do (aside from trying to have the court order overturned) other than to pay, or else he will be breaking the law.
Regards,
Walter
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beat_dead_dad says:
November 1, 2010 at 10:41 pm
Sorry, but I don’t deal with enough cases like that to be able to offer an informed opinion.
Some other websites may have more blog traffic so that you can get a better answer than I can give. Do you need help with finding such a site? I have not been involved for some years in posting to such a site. I would have to try and find one for you. Have you tried that? Have you looked in the directory at http://www.canadianequalparentinggroups.ca/ ?
I can only tell you that I am not aware of any father accused of sexual child abuse who was not also barred from all child visitation, at least until the allegation was discussed in court.
You are correct. It is not about what is best for the child, although all the powers insist otherwise. It is about catering to the mother.
beat_dead_dad
says:I am pretty sure I don’t have the focus to start and maintain an orginization considering the state I have been reduced to. It is something I will keep in the back of my mind for if/when I can climb out of this grave that I have been tossed into.
One burning question that I have that maybe you have heard about—
Is it common practice of three government departments to let a man take his 2yr old daughter two days a week while they are investigating him for sexual abuse of that child. She made the allegations one day before my first court ordered day two months ago and we have been back to court once since then. Is this just proof to show that the RCMP, social services and the courts themselves don’t really care about my daughter. Needless to say her mother must not care either. A judge would have to throw me in jail before I handed my kids over to someone that I believed was hurting them.
When all is said and done there should be a child endagerment suit thrown at them all. It just makes me so bitter that I am the only one that is trying to do whats best for my child and Im the one that is taking the biggest beating.
beat_dead_dad says:
October 30, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Sorry to hear about all of the problems you have to experience, but that is pretty much the way things work.
Two things: The false allegations by your ex are the norm, especially for someone who claims (whether based on truth or not) that she experienced child-sexual-abuse. Moreover, you have no clue that the allegations against her prior ex are true. However, if she lied about him, then don’t be surprised that she lied about you.
About fathers rights organizations in Saskatchewan, yes, for virtually all of the more than 20 years I have been dealing with such issues, there has never been an organization that existed and was active for more than a very short time in Saskatchewan. The best thing you could do would be to start a fathers rights organization and to keep it going. It helps to get together with other men who are going through the divorce- and custody-grinder/wringer.
Let me know if you need any tips on how to go about starting an organization. To get some ideas on that, this link will execute a search for articles at this blog and its affiliated website on how to get in touch with or find fathers rights organizations.
beat_dead_dad
says:I have been living the nightmare of a custody battle. I have been representing myself. The ex has severe trauma from long term childhood sexual abuse from family members and was beaten for two years by her ex who gave her oldest boy stiches in his head. No reports were ever filed by her.
I spent 4yrs with her and we have a 2yr old daughter. Once I couldnt take the way her mind worked I left her and filed for shared custody. She then told me I couldnt see my daughter because I do drugs. I did full drug testing the next day. After the results came in clean she pressed charges of bodily harm to her and my daughter. I represented myself in criminal court and the charges were dismissed. At the second adjournment of family court the judge granted me 2 days a week with my little girl. Two days later I was taken to the police station and questioned about sexual abuse of my little baby. I answered all the sick questions and agreed to a polygraph. Month later social services sent me a letter saying the investigation is over and they found i did nothing. At the third adjournment of family court her lawyer adjourned on the basis of the ongoing sexual abuse investigation for which i have a letter stating it was done. I went straight to the police after court and it turns out there was miscommunication between the police and social services and we were still waiting for the polygraph. I then declined to take it and have yet to find out where it goes now. This was just this week.
Heres the kickers– I still have my daughter 2 days a week (hmmm) I have 2 other daughters that live with me week on week off age 13yrs and 9 yrs, no one ever talked to them. How is it even possible that I am under investigation for molesting the girl that the courts are letting me have 2 days a week. But to this day through all this I still am not allowed to talk to my daughter on the phone.
She can run to the police and say stuff and my life is destroyed but I have undeniable proof that her closest sister lied under oath on the stand in our criminal trial and I am having a hell of a time trying to have charges brought against her. She screwed up and tried saying I would hurt people because I was somewhere where she was and I tried hurting her. Problem is she picked a place that has video cameras with full coverage and the day she picked was the same day I ran into my ex there. All this supposedly happened three days before our court date and she all of a sudden couldnt remember if it was that day or even what time of the day it was.
This is just a fraction of the crap I have endoured.
This just goes to show you that our whole system is flawed beyond belief and it is severely screwing up our children.
If I would have known what I would have to go through I would of chose suicide first. My life is crippled almost to the point of no return. I am on the verge of having to give up my other two daughters. And I dont see an end in sight yet. I have great respect for the men that make it through this and really feel for the ones that have no choice but to give up.
I am in Saskathewan and if there is anyone willing to give me pointers or take on this corrupt system with me please let me know.
# poppavox says:
July 22, 2010 at 8:28 pm | edit
Yes, but the forces who are out to abrogate the family in the name of women’s rights won’t let you.
Two predominant facts are at play:
1. All it takes to destroy the family is to removes its weakest link, the father.
2. The removal of fathers is a pre-requisite for the implementation of the international agenda for the planned destruction of the family.
poppavox
says:when I signed up to be a father I signed up for life
poppavox
says:1 of 3 post at
http://www.bclocalnews.com/fraser_valley/theprogress/news/98773464.html
B.C. aims to defuse divorce conflict
“A discussion paper released Monday suggests that child “custody” should be called “guardianship” and “access” should be called “parenting time.”
=========
“access” should be called “parenting time.”
——–
This is just about enough to send me into the deep end.
Access is for the benefit of the children. By denying access for frivolous reasons the children suffer. One rather obnoxious element concerns denying the children access if the NCA is short on child support. Countless other excuses from the particularly venomous false accusations have no penalty even though denying the child access is unconstitutional and in argument with our Human Rights Act.
The results are in as predicted by the science behind the children of divorce.
We get a change of name to an already failed government program in acknowledgement of how serious the coming of Gen U is even compared to the gang capital of the world.
Jay Hill as an Alliance MP had a mild change to the Divorce Act killed in committee. Now we get another in a series of hay that’s been through the bull, no wonder he’s has enough.
The results of this abusive attempt to create 2 million early learning occupants of the proposed state raised children initiative is the parents of Gen U.
Only presumed joint physical custody under strict rules will stop everyone from the parents to politicians for votes to lawyers for profit in using children for their interests and not the children.
To stop the abuse, the power to abuse has to be removed from all parties.
Presumed Joint Physical Custody.
Allan Chinnery wrote:
Your work over the years has been exemplary and honest. If you are wrong in any way it would be in not explaining how the Judicial Act and the Legal Profession Act have shielded and enriched the lawyer/politician class as well as creating a large group of supporter groups that also share an interest in protecting the Law Society.
Allan
Thanks for that, Allan.
Yes, I never wrote about the Judicial Act and the Legal Profession Act, but that would be mainly because those acts relate to the circumstances in the U.K., and all along I wrote about and posted things that are closer to home for me, in Canada and in the U.S.
Still, Fathers for Life contains many commentaries and analyses that relate to the legal industry and how it is being used to re-engineer society.
Check http://fathersforlife.org/ToC_law_justice_judiciary.htm
You may also wish to make some searches at Fathers for Life. For instance, in the search entry field in the upper right-hand corner, enter the following search string: legal industry
You can vary that search string in any way you like. A search for “legal profession act” will not provide any search returns, but if you leave off the leading and trailing quotation marks, you will produce a search return list with some entries that will be of interest to you.