What if the first Christmas would have happened now and not two-thousand years ago?

Newborn child found in barn - Police and Youth Welfare Office investigate

A Nazareth carpenter and an under-aged mother in temporary custody

[Original source and author unknown *]

[WPA] BETHLEHEM, Palestine: In the early morning hours, a concerned citizen alarmed officials. He had discovered a young family that were squatters in a barn. When they arrived on the scene, Social Services workers, supported by police officers, found a newborn infant whom his barely 14-year-old mother, a certain Mary H., from Nazareth, Israel, had swaddled in strips of cloth and put to sleep in an animal feeder.

When mother and child where apprehended, a man (later identified as Joseph H., a carpenter, also from Nazareth), interfered with the social workers’ intentions.  Joseph, supported by a few shepherds as well as three foreigners of unidentified origin, wanted to prevent the apprehension of the child and his mother, but the police officers restrained him and prevented Joseph and his supporters from interfering with the social workers’ actions.

The three foreigners, who identified themselves as “wise men” of an eastern country, were also apprehended. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs as well officers of Customs and Excise are searching for evidence of the origin of these three men who apparently are illegal immigrants in Palestine. A speaker of the police informed WPA [World Press Agency] that the men carried absolutely no identification, but that they had been in possession of a quantity of gold as well as some possibly prohibited substances. The three men resisted being arrested, while claiming that God had ordered them to return home without delay and to avoid any contact with government officials. The chemical substances that were in their possession were sent to the crime lab for further investigation.

The whereabouts of the newborn child will not be disclosed until further notice. It appears to be very doubtful that speedy and satisfactory explanations for all of the circumstances surrounding the arrival of this newborn child will be possible any time soon.  When WPA inquired with the Youth Welfare Office, a spokesperson explained that she was permitted to disclose only that, “The father is in his mid-forties, and the mother is definitely not yet of the age of majority. We presently are communicating with officials in Nazareth to determine the nature of the relationship between father and mother.”

Mary was moved to the Bethlehem Municipal District Hospital, where she will undergo medical and psychiatric examinations. She can expect an indictment. Because she claims that she is still a virgin and that God fathered her child, her mental condition will come into the focus of attention. An official announcement by the head of the Department of Psychiatry of the Bethlehem Municipal District Hospital states: “I am not in a position to tell anyone what they should believe, but when that belief leads to, as in this case, the endangerment of a newborn child, then such people must be categorized as being a danger to society. The fact that drugs, suspected to have been distributed by the foreigners who were present, were found at the scene of the birth does not evoke confidence. Nevertheless, I am convinced that, with the necessary treatment, within a few years all of the participants will become again normal members of our society.”

Lastly, WPA just now received the following update: The shepherds who were present at the scene of the birth are firmly united in their assertion that they had received orders by a large man in a nightshirt and with wings on his back to visit the barn, there to celebrate the birth of the child.

A speaker of the Drug-Crime Investigation team mentioned in that connection: “That is just about the dumbest excuse by all-out junkies that I ever came across.”
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* Found on the Internet (at [1] http://listserv.shuttle.de/mailman/listinfo/papa-info ) and translated from the original German into English

It is still possible, so far, to have one in the privacy of one’s home, therefore,

Have a Merry Christmas,

Walter Schneider