In the best interest of the child
From the mail box of Fathers for Life:
To the judge in my latest child-custody and -access hearing:
This past week I have had to attend court for the CSA [the UK Child Support Agency] and Family Court for redefined contact and, I might add, for the last time! You can only push someone so far. So, congratulations, the system has rendered me bankrupt, insists I still pay and pay, but “Too bad Mr. Farmer you are not to see your children who tantalizingly pass your door each day on their way to school.”
Far from being a poor, violent or uncaring father I have done all in my power to offer my children a seamless path from broken family to the security of a second family home and the stability of this being located close to the former family home and at an equal distance to both schools; this at great personal difficulty to me at the age of 50, to have to start again from scratch and thankfully with the support of my wife and family.
Yet the same family courts who granted access to me in 2004 will still allow the mother with her sickly smug smile to wield the big stick and say NO to contact. Are the children’s interests being served?
It is the courts not being able to enforce the perfectly good order designed to offer the same level of stability whilst the children are so young, and until they reach an age when they could decide which parent to be with.
For me, my children have reached that age, but the controlling mother will not release them from her shackles and not even allow them to call on the phone or call in for tea on the occasional evening after school for a few hours, just to mend the bridges the mother has broken.
That is the fundamental flaw with this law that allows the mother to abuse it, yet not to be reprimanded. In fact, it empowers the mother to do just as she wishes, whilst ‘cocking a snoot’ at the judge, at the social workers, but above all at the children she is meant to be acting as responsible carer for.
Consider the next time you ridicule a ‘Batman’ Character that he is taking his plight out of the family environment, that what the mother does is from within and what long term effect that might have on vulnerable children.
If my children return to me in a few years, when in their late teens and say, look Dad, I have been stealing or have been involved in drugs or violence, would it not have been better for me to be there for them now, to prevent them from getting into trouble in the first place and to be there to answer any query my children have, no matter how trivial it may seem — just to show there is someone with an answer?
My own father never said ‘I don’t know’, if he could not answer my worries immediately. He would not stop till he could, and that kind of reassurance means a lot when you are young and especially today, with all the peer and media pressure the kids are under on a day to day basis.
If this appalling law was reviewed and put right today, it will still take a generation to put right the social ills the law fosters right now. Given that the family-law courts’ decisions are made inviolable, there is no point in having a judge sitting in court in the first place!
The reality is, there are some who have to live with the heartache, knowing there is nothing more to be done, the children are lost, the home is lost, the childhood is lost, you will never reclaim those lost years, and the memories will not be made.
The pain of that will be with you evermore, and any future contact will be a grim reminder of what was lost at a time you could have saved it.
Now is that time, but I cannot stop the passage of time, and the happy memories I have of the time with my father will not be continued on in my own children. I have done nothing wrong. I am not a monster but a loving caring Dad, and the system has stolen the opportunity to help my children through their formative years into adulthood.
170 Winford Drive Broxbourne Herts EN10 6PN England